Monday, December 27, 1999
If you're a regular reader of this journal, you know just how worthless
it is. You're excused. Today's entry is directed at all those
people who got a new PC for Christmas, hurried to get on the Internet,
and have somehow ended up here. It's an entry specially fortified
with worthfulness - the sort of worthfulness that just might help them
fend off disillusionment with this whole sorry system for one more day.
So: Hello, Newbies! And welcome to the wonderful world of on-line journals! My name is Dan and tonight I'd like to share some of the most important things I've learned in the nearly 3 years I've been "surfin' the Web." I'm doing this out of the goodness of my heart, so please - no tipping!
Without a doubt, mastering the unique lingo of us webizens is essential to your getting the most out of the Internet experience, so helping you do that is where I'd like to focus my attention tonight. Ready? Let's get started!
Whether you prefer "chat" rooms, "e" mail, or "instant" "messaging"
"systems" like "I" "C" "Q", you're sure to encounter quite a few abbreviations
that can leave even long-time residents of "cyber space" puzzled, confused,
and "downloaded". Without further ado, here is a guide to some of
the more common of these "new-fangled whicheedoos":
AFK - Away From Keyboard. That's the official definition, anyway. It actually means "I want you to think I'm away from my computer so I can see what all you people are saying about me when I'm not around." Alternatively, it can mean "My spouse has finally dragged me back to reality - HELP!"There's more I could tell you - much, much more - but I realize there's only so much a newbie can absorb at once. And I also realize that if I pack any more worthfulness into this entry, any long-time reader who sees it will probably drop dead from the shock.
So, in conclusion: Welcome to the wonderful world of on-line journals, where secrets are revealed daily with a casualness which belies their authenticity and true wisdom can be gleaned provided you aren't afraid to get your eyes dirty.
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(All Material ©1999 by Dan Birtcher with one-half of his brain tied behind his back)