Friday, December 31, 1999

An Open Letter To The New Millennium


     Exactly what kind of era thinks it's fine to show up at my door at midnight, anyway?  Didn't Father Time raise you right or what??
     Please step away from the Western calendar and spread 'em.  
     Please empty your pockets.
     Please walk through the metal detector.
     Just to be safe, I think we're going to have to conduct a full body cavity search and run some x-rays.  
     Just to be sure you contain more Leonardos than Hitlers, you understand.
     Just to be sure you're not trying to smuggle into our lives some really nutty ideas or any remarkably new ways to kill people.
     Seems the last few millenniums to drop by spoiled it for all the rest of you.
     Sorrier than you'll ever know in a thousand years....

     "Oh my God, everybody down - he's got a Bill Gates dynasty!!"

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(©1999 by Dan Birtcher, recovering temporal dupe)