Tuesday, Nov. 20, 42 A.B.

This Magic Moment

It suddenly occurs to me that I've been neglecting today.

Although it's been here ever since I got up this morning, running all around me and at times even nipping at my heels, I've pretty much ignored it.  My sinuses are clogged solid with the past, and my consciousness has been overflowing with pre-holiday tensions.  That's left today to scamper about unsupervised, pathetically attempting to collect whatever sidelong glances of mine it might gather to itself.

Poor baby!

Some 10-15 billion years in the making, doomed to die at the stroke of midnight tonight, today deserves better than what I've given it so far.

Especially if I want to increase my odds of inheriting any of its stuff.

Thus, this entry - a heart-felt (and pancreas-approved) homage to November 20, 2001.

Here are just some of the things which make it so special to me -

What I'm Listening To: Tingstad & Rumble's Pastorale CD.

My Preferred Way To Get High Today: Saying "Tingstad & Rumble" over and over to myself until I collapse from giggle-induced hyperventilation.

What I'm Reading: Climbing Mount Improbable by Richard Dawkins, Evolutionist-at-Large.

What I'm Wondering: Why didn't Laura Bush criticize the Taliban's treatment of women before her radio address on Saturday?  What can we expect next from this firebrand - a daring condemnation of Hitler and Stalin?

What I'm Wearing: A gray (i.e., grey) sweatshirt and eyeglasses.  (One of these things usually improves my vision, and today I just happened to guess right the first time - wooo-hoooo!)

How I Believe Laura Can Redeem Herself: By extending her criticism to Saudi Arabia and Kuwait.

Pondering: Those Quaker Oats commercials which claim Quaker Oats can lower your cholesterol.  You know, Seagrams' fine products can lower your cholesterol, too, provided you consume enough of ‘em and get so falling down drunk you can't put any fatty food in your mouth, but we never hear Seagrams bragging about that, do we?

How I Believe Laura Can Redeem Herself Faster: By extending her criticism to Southern Baptists.

Fun Fact That I Learned Today: My county has the highest average rents of any of Ohio's 88 counties -  $603/month.

Fun Fact That I Learned Yesterday But Continues To Reverberate In My Mind Today: There were about 100,000 domesticated elephants in Thailand in 1900.  Now there are only about 16,000 - and many of those face a long commute everyday to get to work.

Mystic Ohio Factoid No One Should Forget On A Day As Special As November 20, 2001:  Ohio has exactly as many counties as there are keys on a piano.

Not-So-Fun Fact That I Learned Yesterday Which Continues To Tint My Life A Sick Purple-Brown Color: Had I lived 100 years ago, I could have made oodles of money as a dead baby photographer.

Current Temperature (8:59pm): 43 degrees Fahrenheit (6 degrees Celsius).

Current Favorite Word: Telesynthesis - The biochemical process which allows houseplants to grow even when the only light they get comes from a TV accidentally left on all night.

Last Ate: Meatless spaghetti, salad, and garlic bread (4:05-4:32pm).

Today's Helpful Hint For Tourists Visiting Ohio:  The best way to tell whether that's an Ohio county or a piano key in front of you is to extend a finger and poke at it once or twice.  The piano key will make a musical sound.  The Ohio county will charge you 5% sales tax per poke.

How Laura Can Most Likely Bribe Me Into Considering Her Redeemed: By sending me a freshly picked  hedgehog photo button.

What Jester Is Doing: Sleeping on the bed.  On his left side.  Head to the east.  Tail attached to his hindquarters.  At least I think it's attached... YEOW!  Yep, it's attached alright....

Today's Tip For Paramedics:  If you arrive at an accident scene and are unsure whether that's Charlie Chaplin lying in the road or the state of Ohio, remember:  Ohio is the one with 88 counties, Chaplin's the one who died at age 88 back in 1977.

Best Guess As To Why It's Dark Outside Now: The sun forgot to pay its electric bill again.

Sudden Realization: Maybe today wasn't special enough to write about after all....

*Leaving to go warm up the Sable so it's all nice and cozy by the time I ask my wife to drive me around town looking for Nov. 20, 2001's smarter, prettier twin sister*

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(©Now by DJ Birtcher
because it's easier to copyright an entry and send it on its way
than to take the time to lay it out across my lap
and give it a good sharp smack across the ass
for failing to live up to my expectations)


Mystic Ohio Factoid Which Transcends Any One Day:  The number of counties in Ohio exactly matches the number of constellations in the sky.  Coincidence?  Riiiight....