This month marks the third anniversary of my first going online.
In the last 36 months, I have pretty much
managed to resist the impulse
I'm tired of fighting the onslaught.
Tired of trying to explain to my closest online friends why I refuse to reveal my name or sex.
Too tired, anyway, to come up with a better
idea for an entry tonight.
Bottom line: I surrender!
Somebody dropped the balloons, launch the
fireworks, and cue the band.
Just don't alert the man I married!
The Pointless Fiction
FULL NAME: Dan "Mad Mammal" Birtcher
YOUR FAVORITE TV SHOW? "Who Wants To Commit
Bigamy With An Unemployed Jester?"
ROLLER COASTERS-SCARY OR EXCITING?
Exciting when I realize the nearest one is many miles away; scary when
I realize I'm the doctor who's having to perform the emergency appendectomy
in the third car.
FUTURE SON'S NAME: Whoops Junior
CHOCOLATE OR VANILLA? I'm an equal
opportunity consumer who makes his choice strictly on the basis of an individual
flavor's willingness to sleep with me
WHAT TYPE WAS YOUR FIRST CAR: Parked
IF YOU COULD MEET ONE PERSON, DEAD OR ALIVE, WHO WOULD IT BE? ALIVE, I guess. Though I've never met either, ALIVE sounds like more fun - I'm not sure why.
FAVORITE ALCOHOLIC DRINK: That one Buddha bought for me after I punched out Confucius
WHAT IS YOUR ZODIAC SIGN? Three quick knocks,
then a tap
HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN LOVE? Damn,
what wild tales HAVE those stuffed animals been telling you?!
IS THE GLASS HALF EMPTY OR HALF FULL?
Glass? You have a glass? All I have is this little specimen
bottle they told me to fill myself.
IF YOU COULD BE ONE GARDENING TOOL, WHAT
WOULD YOU BE? An unrepentant rake
PERSON YOU SENT THIS TO WHO IS LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND: Confucius. I did punch him out, after all
PERSON MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND: Me. But then it's pretty obvious that I love to hear myself talk, isn't it?
The Boring Truth
FULL NAME: Daniel
YOUR FAVORITE TV
SHOW? "The West Wing" (though NOT the episode about capital punishment);
"The Prisoner"; "The Twilight Zone"; "The Mary Tyler Moore Show"; Ernie
Kovacs; "Hill Street Blues"
WORST FEELING IN
THE WORLD: Seasickness while on a boat I know is going to be stuck
in rough seas for hours and hours to come. Not that panic attacks
induced by high cliffs and low railings are exactly fun....
BEST FEELING IN THE WORLD: Making love to a long-lost loved one
FAVORITE CD: Hooverphonic's "Blue Wonder Power Milk"
DO YOU GET MOTION SICKNESS? Alas, yes....
OR EXCITING? Exciting to watch, too scary to ride. Once was
enough. In fact, half was enough, but....
HOW MANY RINGS BEFORE
YOU ANSWER THE PHONE? Two - if I'm inclined to answer at all, which is
FUTURE SON'S NAME:
I was sure once it would be Barnabas. Now I just laugh at the very
idea of bringing another suffering creature into being.
Chocolate; salmon; broccoli (yes, that broccoli)
CHOCOLATE OR VANILLA?
CROUTONS OR BACON BITS: Neither
DO YOU LIKE TO DRIVE? Only when there's no one else on the road within 5 miles of me
DO YOU SLEEP WITH
STUFFED ANIMALS? I wish....
WHAT TYPE WAS YOUR
FIRST CAR: I'm still waiting for someone to give me my first car
IF YOU COULD MEET ONE PERSON, DEAD OR ALIVE, WHO WOULD IT BE? The person who'd be most excited to meet me
DRINK: Tom Collins; Whiskey Sour
WHAT IS YOUR ZODIAC SIGN? Pisces
WHO IS YOUR FAVORITE
POET? I've always liked Shelley's "Ozymandias" and Stephen Crane's "A Man
Said To The Universe." Leopardi, too.
IF YOU COULD HAVE ANY JOB YOU WANTED, WHAT WOULD IT BE? It's not a job if you really want to do it, is it?
IF YOU COULD DYE
YOUR HAIR ANY COLOR, WHAT WOULD IT BE? I'd just be happy to have
hair I didn't have to have cut again
WHAT IS ON YOUR WALLS
IN YOUR ROOM? White paint; postcards; and a giant photo of a chocolate
chip cookie (unsigned)
IS THE GLASS HALF
EMPTY OR HALF FULL? My glass contains 50% air and 50% H2O.
It's probably polluted air and contaminated water, but it's all the same
when one turns out the lights, isn't it?
ARE YOU A LEFTY, RIGHTY OR AMBIDEXTROUS? Righty
DO YOU TYPE WITH
YOUR FINGERS ON THE RIGHT KEYS? No. I actually do most of my
typing with a stylus in my right hand. Isn't is obvious?
PERSON YOU SENT THIS
TO WHO IS LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND: I don't forward nonsensical surveys
like this. After all, if I don't forward nonsense like this, people
can't confirm my suspicion that they actually prefer it to my own original
nonsense. Devious lit'l bastard, ain't I?
(Yep - all the above exhausted my head - no wit leftover for the links.
(©Now by Dan "Mad Mammal" Birtcher)