Newpantsday, Jesterary 3, 40 A.B.
Best New Year's Eve Celebration I've Heard About Yet:  Aboard the USS Topeka, a nuclear submarine that was parked at the intersection of the International Date Line and the Equator so that the ship was in two different centuries and two different hemispheres (and consequently both winter and summer) at midnight.  Crewmen were given the opportunity to collect souvenir vials of water, but I'm not sure there were any takers since the sub was 350 feet below the surface at the time.

Worst New Year's Eve Celebration That I Hope I Ever Hear About:  A prison inmate in New Hampshire State Prison in Concord, New Hampshire sewed his eyes and lips shut with dental floss out of fear of the new millennium.  Guards found him cowering in his cell, covered with baby powder and clutching a Bible.

First Invention Of The 21st Century I Demand To Have The Chance To Buy: Spray-on clothes.  These should be available in a wide variety of colors and an entire week's wardrobe easily carried home in a single small aerosol can.  The product as I envision it expands rather like foam insulation when sprayed on the naked human body.  The colder it is, or the uglier you happen to feel, the more you spray on.

I'm sorry, that's all for now.  I thought I could do this but sorrow over Yeltsin's surprise resignation continues to leave me too tearful to see what I'm doing....

Explains the last few entries, doesn't it?

Back To Something Else


Forward To A Whole 'Nother
Something Else


(©Now by Dan Birtcher just because he's convinced that if he makes
the "©" symbol often enough, he'll eventually get to the point where
he won't have to look it up every damn time in an on-line manual)