Junival 12, 41 A.B.

Note: I tried to insert a gerbil here, but it kept slipping off my screen.
To enjoy the full effect of this entry as I intended it to be enjoyed,
please continually imagine a gerbil up here eating sunflower seeds as you read.

Thank you.

What A Waste Of Money

     It finally came in the mail today.  
     The special screen-saver I bought for my TV.  
     The one that supposedly kicks in every time little Elian appears so that his image doesn't end up getting burned into my picture tube.
     Only now - NOW they're not putting him on TV anymore.
     Just one more now to add to a pile in the corner that includes JFK, Jr. and Princess Diana TV screen-savers.
     When will I ever learn?

What A Waste Of Kleenex

     So I'm finally over the bad head cold I acquired some 11 days ago.  Too bad I didn't get over it before I finally broke down and opened a box of Kleenex about 3 days ago.  I was saving that box of Kleenex for my retirement, but I went ahead and started taking Kleenex out of it on Friday, anyway. 
     I'm so weak....
     Now today I find out that there's a stiff penalty for early withdrawal.
     Like, I won't have as many Kleenex for my golden years.
     I'm gonna end up like that old guy I saw last fall, standing outside a drug store begging people for their slightly used Puffs - maybe even for their generic brand tissues.

OK, So Let Me See If I Have This Straight....

     Republicans in Congress want to do away with the so-called "Death Tax" levied on massive inheritances.
     But Republicans say that one sure way to get less of something is to put a tax on it.
     Ergo, by removing the tax on death, we can expect more people to be able to afford to die, and so more will.
     If we really wanted people to live longer, shouldn't we be increasing the death tax??
     And yet so many Republicans call themselves Right to Lifers.

     I throw up my hands.


Now, About That Metal-Studded Margarine

     My newspaper recently ran a small notice informing the public that a certain food manufacturer is recalling specific lots of a particular margarine product because this margarine might contain metal pieces in it.
     If you happen to have this product, please send it to me instead.  I personally prefer the metal-studded margarine because it's so much easier to find with a metal detector when I lose it in the sand at the beach.
     Thank you.

Open Question

     Does anybody know what it means when a hospital reports someone's condition as good, fair, poor, critical, or stable?  Ok, stable I think I kinda have figured out after observing it from a safe distance, but what about the rest of them?  Is there some objective criteria or is it all merely a function of the nurse's ability to control his or her gag reflex that day?  If there is some objective criteria, exactly what constitutes the difference between fair and poor or poor and critical?  And if someone's condition is good, what the hell are they doing in the hospital, anyway?  Better yet, do you know the name of their insurance company?  I want me some of that!

     This all comes to mind because Bob Hope was in the hospital last week and before he was discharged they said that his condition had been upgraded from poor to just terribly old.  
     First time I had ever heard this. 
     And then the very next day I heard that Roseanne's condition had been downgraded from mildly amusing to simply embarrassing.

     Life just gets curiouser and curiouser.

     I mean, I really could use some of that metal-studded margarine to help me forget all this right now if you've got it.  


     And thanks again.

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