Junival 25, 41 A.B.
 

The Following Entry Has Been Written By
A Proud Floor Potato!

"Because Sometimes It's Just Too Damn Much Work
To Crawl Up There On That Couch"
 
 

Monday Update In The Convenient Friday Pouch

     Monday was a severely pleasant day here.  The National Weather Service issued a Blue Sky Watch well before dawn.  Shortly after 6 a.m., that was changed to a Blue Sky Warning when a sheriff's deputy spotted an actual blue sky approaching from the east.  This was followed by heavy sunshine, frightfully refreshing breezes, and intermittent birdsong the size of Elvis. 
     It's little wonder that all the TV and radio stations had to keep broadcasting warnings to people to stay inside behind paper-cluttered desks lest they lose a day's pay or their entire careers by stepping outside and getting their will to work blown away by a sudden gust of euphoria.
     It's really amazing, but somehow not one local cow or young executive was lost in it all.

     My own day began about 9:30 when the familiar sound of a truck losing its load shattered my morning dreams.  A glance out my front door revealed that a private garbage hauler had managed to send a full bag of trash out the back end of his truck and splotz against my mailbox post.  To his credit, he immediately stopped, backed up, and sent three boys scurrying to clean up the mess as I stood in my doorway watching, so utterly beguiled by the scene unfolding before me that I utterly forgot my basically pants-less nature.  A brief inspection afterwards (complete with pants) revealed the boys had managed to retrieve the entire contents of their errant trash bag save for one razor blade and two fragments of a mirror. 
     Brief experimentation quickly further revealed that 1) the razor blade did not result in as close a shave as I usually obtain with my Norelco triple-headed electric razor, and 2) a full-size mirror really IS a better aid to shaving than two little mirror fragments.  Whoever had thrown out these items really knew what they were doing!
     The search for this modern day guru or guruess continues....

     Had I found him or her immediately, perhaps I would not have proceeded to stick a sock-clothed right foot into a puddle of cat vomit around 10:05 a.m. ....
 
 

Debriefing The Wife, Part 3

     -----  Queen Elizabeth's favorite sport is Demolition Coaches.
     -----  The dachshund is the closest living relative of the T. Rex (according to my wife's interpretation of a French plaque next to the Venus de Milo in the Louvre).
 
 

First Pictures From The Scene Of A First-Degree Vacation!
 

Not Just Another Bloody Fox Hunt

     Changing of the Guard outside, umm, some building in Britain with a unique plaza out front modeled after the surface of the sun.  The guy on the motorcycle was the tour guide, his face and identity carefully hidden to prevent previous tour groups from tracking him down and doing rude things to his body.  
     Odd Fact #1:  One Guard is not wearing any underwear.  If you correctly guess which one, you are allowed to pet the Queen Mum.  Once.
     Odd Fact #2:  To see the far more popular Changing of the Maids, you must actually be born into the royal family.  Sorry.
 

Official Past Repository

The British Royal Museum
(exterior)
 

Official Past Repository Mascot

My Favorite Part Of The Above Photo
(naturally)
 
 

Yard & Garden Update

     The funny-looking buckthorn is up!
     The orange day lilies are blooming!
     The white clover is spreading!
     The blue chicory is blooming!
     If my eyes weren't so damn tired from it all, I might post a picture of at least one of these things.
     Maybe tomorrow....
 

Some Friendly Advice

     Ted Turner owns land in the U.S. equivalent in size to 1.5 Delawares.
     In order to inadvertently avoid trespassing on any of it, always ask before you take a step.
 



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(©Now by someone who absorbs UV rays remarkably like Dan Birtcher)