29, 41 A.B.
Have All Your
Sirloin Steak - $1.99/lb.
Cub Foods ad
OK, I Give Up...
How long are you supposed to leave a greeting card on the grill?
I can't seem to find the right balance between getting all the saccharine
sweetness out and having the damn things ignite....
New Neighbors - The Danger Increases!
Today I accidentally stuck my head out my kitchen window and heard my new
neighbors talking. I assume from this that they have mouths.
This is terribly unsettling since every monster or alien I've ever seen
in a movie or on TV has had a mouth, too. Well, except for "The Blob"
and "Kronos." "The Blob" was light sensitive, however, so I've been
taking a flashlight with me whenever I go outside or happen to be inside.
I've adjusted to that ok. "Kronos" was about a giant alien robot
that went stomping across the countryside - Mexican peasants be damned.
Well, A) I'm not a Mexican peasant, and B) The giant alien robot's arrival
was heralded by a huge splash in the ocean. No such splash has been
reported prior to the arrival of my neighbors. So, basically, I felt
pretty safe so long as I could assume they didn't have a single mouth between
them and I kept a flashlight within reach at all times.
If they have dental insurance, I'm doomed!
And As If That Wasn't Bad Enough...
The worms in my back yard have erected a scarerobin. I know this
because I tripped over the damn thing while out there practicing my anti-Blob
flashlight maneuvers last night.
On The Bright Side...
I've been having great success collecting stuff I'll never need.
Didn't Sartre write a novel about this once? Or am I thinking of
Nancy Reagan's book again?
On The Even Brighter Side...
I found an ad today for Boy Netting. It's like mosquito netting,
only it's made of Tevlar-brand metal fibers that are guaranteed not to
yield to the forces of any boy no matter how desperately he might bat himself
against it. If you're the parent of a teenage daughter, you want
to be sure you have plenty to send with her on any camping trips she might
go on this summer. Because - as the tag line of the ad says - "Chastity
belts can't stop the kissin'!"
And On The Brightest Side Of All...
Hey - I can't see! I am NOT the Blob! GET THAT DAMN LIGHT OUT
OF MY EYES!!!
Try To Reset
(©Now by Dan
Birtcher while cackling behind a freshly shoplifted welder's mask)
If you'll imagine my cat here, I'll imagine you kissing him.