Marchipelago 17, 41 A.B.
TO ADMIT IN MEMOIRS
Congress To Debate
Ban On Rodgers & Hammerstein;
- The New York Times, Special Edition
All of which instantly raises the question in my mind
WHAT FUTURE PRESIDENT'S SEX LIFE MIGHT I BE PERMANENTLY WARPING WITH THIS ENTRY??
If you think you might be a future president, please - stop reading
Ok, holiday or not, I shall now bear any burden, pay any price, etc., etc.,
etc., to produce the very best non-corrupting entry I possibly can.
Yes, it's a fact: Leeches aren't just dirty little parasites anymore, lurking
in African waters until Humphrey Bogart comes along and they feel inclined
to help him win an Academy Award. They aren't even the latest medical
treatment for phlebitis, gout, chilblains, itchy trigger fingers, and the
compulsion to bathe in backed-up sewer waters. They also happen to
be a writer's best friend!
It is always a good idea to etch one's Social Security number on the backs of one's hair follicle mites prior to marriage so that in the event of a divorce, one is sure to leave with at least as many mites as one brought with him or her into the marriage.
Hmmmm. Ok, well, that's to be expected
- the first dribble from these parasites often pertains to other parasites.
It's like having a former baseball great throw out the first pitch of the
season or something. Nothing to be alarmed about and hardly an indication
of what the entire baseball season is going to be like. I'm sure
the second dribble will be -
Ahh, yes. What we have here are a few
facts I acquired while researching a recent entry but decided against using.
A sure sign that my leech is beginning to get to the words and ideas that
are deeper in my mind - although clearly not deep enough!
Someday microchips implanted in all our end tables will alert us via the Internet the very instant our furniture needs polishing again no matter where in the world we may happen to be.
The thing to remember is that not every leech is equally talented when
it comes to sucking the best thoughts from our heads. While it's
true that the worst leech is still better than the best editor or critic,
that doesn't mean you can just dangle your head in a tub of Amazon river
water and expect great things to happen.
If Shakespeare had been born a cow, he would have certainly entitled that play of his about Hamlet Moo?
Ahh, now we're getting somewhere! Let me get a beaker and a Bunsen burner and see if we might not coax an entire inspired paragraph from this virtual Babe Ruth of the sucking game!
Ladies, are you tired of feeling vaguely lacking in something? Do you have moments when you think, "Maybe my best days are behind me?" Have you ever spent an entire week hopelessly longing for what was or endlessly dreading what now is and shall always be? Then listen up because Artificial Menses is the product for you! Yes, with Spago-brand Artificial Menses even the worst case of bio-nostalgia is soon nothing more than a memory! Even for the most severely post-menopausal women we could find! Just a dab in the morning, once or twice a month, can make YOU glad, too, that YOU'RE no longer part of those generations of women Mother Nature has so unfairly cursed with the horror and the pain of -
Opps, I seem to have dropped the beaker. Well, these things happen.
Maybe a new leech will help me get and keep a grip, eh?
OMG! What's the idiot doing now?! Doesn't he know that that bone is all that's keeping his long-suffering frontal lobes from jumping head and seeking refuge at the Chinese embassy?! Quick! Somebody get the blood to start clotting up the exit before all we're left with here are those damn 1557 memories of his boring childhood and the lyrics to "My Heart Will Go On"!
Hahaha, yes, well, even leeches have their
pranksterish moments! So what if some impressionable future president
gets his psyche warped in the process, eh, guys? So what if the entire
future of the whole human race may hang in the balance? Oh, y'all
would like to see us perish, wouldn't ya? Then you can raid the zoos
and nature reserves we've been building for the last hundred years and
suck all the elephant and zebra blood and thoughts that you want without
a single human keeper to tell ya "NO! Bad leech! BAD!"
And thank you, Mr. Future President, for sticking with this entry so long just to prove to yourself you actually CAN wade through any old crap and come out the other side corruption-free. I knew you could do it!
Now if you'll excuse me, John and Tematsu seem to be in need of a little
spanky for sneaking back out of their jar and crawling into my eyes.
Back To A Guaranteed
Forward To An Entry
(©As Soon As
I Can Catch Up With Harry