|Mr. Thursday, Mrs. May 4,
Ohio State Motto: With God All Things Are Possible
This Day In History
So, it was a year ago today that I started an online journal.
So, What Else Is New?
Yesterday was the first Wednesday of the month. At noon on the first
Wednesday of the month here, they test the air raid sirens. Since
actual air raids are very rare and people in charge like to blow 'em anyway,
they're now officially tornado alert sirens - but we all know what
they really are: The first warning we'll have of a sneak attack
from the Canadian Air Force.
Note to my County Commissioner: Could you please blow these sirens when
the mosquitoes are real bad, too? I really hate to cart a whole meal
out to my patio table only to have to cart it back in because of the mosquitoes.
If you'd blow the sirens when the mosquitoes were bad, you'd save me a
lot of time and effort.
Entry I Didn't Post In The Last Year That I'm Most Glad I Didn't Post
On September 18 I almost uploaded an entry entitled "Bob Newhart: The Risen
Christ!" My wife told me just in time that no, he's actually a comedian.
Jester has just finished his medicated yogurt and is curled up in a chair
on our enclosed front porch. There's a table lamp on the front porch
- it has a pink bulb in it. A timer turns it on at 8 and off at 11.
This bulb is still lit. That's how I know Jester is curled up on
his left side, head towards the back of the chair. If this bulb wasn't
lit, I'd have to go out there in the dark and feel around to determine
this information. NOT a fun experience for either Jester or myself,
but I'd do it just to fill this space.
Entry That Only Appeared Briefly In A Faraway Place With A Strange-Sounding Name
On October 23 I posted an entry entitled "How To Make A Quick Million Dollars."
Because of the International Dateline, it first appeared at midnight local
time on a small Pacific Island called Funafuti. Within minutes, every
single online Funafutian had a million dollars - which threw the local
economy into utter chaos.
Question Of The Day
"Why are you addressing Thursday as Mr. and May as Mrs.?" - Jay Albert, 26, Waukeegan, Michigan.
Because my parents taught me to always address my elders by these titles.
And the fact of the matter is, both Mr. Thursday and Mrs. May are much
older than I am. I know I haven't been very consistent here, but
I'm feeling kinda old tonight, so I thought it would do me good to remember
that there actually are things older than I am. I even hear that
both Mr. Thursday and Mrs. May are doing quite well, too. Yay!
Term I Just Learned
Nosocomial Costivity: Hospital-induced constipation. (Yes, this is a real term. In fact, some sensitive individuals become constipated just by moving closer to a hospital. And it's why so many patients tried to escape from the old state hospitals. They weren't really trying to escape - they were merely seeking relief from cramping and bloating.)
(Thanks to Carole
Jobes for expanding my mind, then prompting me to calculate that I live
exactly 2.3 miles from the nearest ER - the last place to go for
some medical emergencies.)
Some Other Entry
(©Now by Dan Birtcher with both frontal lobes tied behind his ego)