Mother's Day Eve, Ms. May 13, 41 A.B.

My Annual Holiday Message To The Masses

     So, once again it's Mother's Day weekend.  Always a tough time for me.  Partly because I'm estranged from my own mother, but mostly because there's no way anyone's gonna be giving me a gift tomorrow.  
     A one-time male friend of mine actually had a sex change operation in an attempt to boost the odds of his getting at least a card on the second Sunday of each May.  Poor bastard.  All he ended up with is severe back problems from having to walk around in high heels all year....


     Speaking of silly ways to spend one's time, India celebrated the birth of its billionth citizen two days ago.  Astha Arora squeezed her 6 pounds, 13 ounces into this party we have going on here at precisely 5:05 a.m. 
     What Dan Rather didn't say (and what my newspaper doesn't make as clear as it could) is that it's almost certain little Astha is not the billionth Indian.  The Indian government merely determined some time ago that - according to its necessarily rough estimates - the billionth Indian would show up sometime around now, and then decided that May 11 was as good a date as any to make a fuss.  And yet if you watched the CBS Evening News Thursday night, you'd be forgiven for thinking that poor, backward India has a much, much better idea of how many Indians there are than we have of how many Americans there are even after we conduct a year long, multi-billion-dollar census of a population less than a third the size of theirs.   
     But not quite as weird as what Astha is going to face as she grows up forever known as Little #1,000,000,000, or Billionth, or maybe just Billy.  Just because of the  arbitrary decision of a government in search of a swell public relations gimmick....
     Personally, I'd rather be the billionth husband of Elizabeth Taylor.
     Then again - given the inherent limits and inexactitude of population counts - it's possible I'm already too late....

Quote I Just Can't Seem To Get Out Of My Leetle Head

"It was a king size."

County assistant district attorney Jodi Brown, after a Tyler, Texas jury sentenced a man who stole a Snickers bar to 16 years in prison.
(Newsweek, April 17, 2000, page 21)


Yard And Garden Update

     The clematis is blooming!  The clematis is blooming!  SEE???

Note: Blooms Flash To Prevent Low-Flying Bees From Colliding With Plant!

(It's purple!)


Jester Cat Update

     He's dozing on the front porch again, all stretched out just to the left (east) of the door to the outside world, somehow summoning up the energy to half open his eyelids and throw me an evil little look just now when I went to check on him.
     I'm beginning to suspect that there's a lot of down time when you're a cat....

Odd Personal Fact I've Not Revealed Before

     I never wash my fruit, I just buy new.

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