Day Minus 363
May 16, 41 A.B.
is bad for your kids.
undeveloped wrist structure is very prone
carpal tunnel syndrome.
you simply MUST be spanked, please - always ask a
- From the
pamphlet distributed by
Against Namby-Pamby Slaps
("We Leave The
'P' Out Because - Well, We're NOT That Kind Of Mothers!")
That quote there? Those words all in red? I made that up.
Sorry if that's a disappointment. Sorry if it makes you think less
It won't happen again.
He Who Isn't Slap Happy Cast The First Stone
So my wife teaches high school seniors.
She decided to do a unit on parenting because it seems that, while other
teachers in the last twelve years have informed her seniors about how Rome
fell and how to extract a square root, not one has ever told them what
to do when another human being suddenly drops out from their loins.
Or whether it's even a good idea for them to have people just dropping
out like that in the first place.
Slight oversight, huh?
Anyway, in the course of preparing for this unit, she asked me to help
her research the fine art of spanking.
As in whether or not it is ever an appropriate disciplinary technique when
it comes time to, say, convince the human being that dropped out of your
loins that it really isn't a good idea to use daddy's power tools on the
dog when mommy isn't looking.
So, I naturally typed "spanking" in a search engine.
I really am the naive little Ohio boy sometimes, aren't I?
To Touch That Dial
Turns out that virtually nobody thinks spanking kids is a good idea anymore.
I suppose there are still some "Spare the rod and spoil the child" people
out there, but they don't seem to be writing any books or maintaining any
Maybe their hands and arms are too tired?
As for the spanking of adults....
Perhaps the best article I found on that subject (not that I looked much,
being a good boy and all) was this one that Salon Magazine posted Jan.
To save you the trouble of actually having to read it -
The author thought the spanking of adult women was a relatively rare fetish.
Further investigation revealed 3 out of 4 women love it....
I was surprised, to say the least.
I mean, I was taught never to hit a woman. (Not even Pat Nixon.)
I live in a world in which male abuse of women seems terribly, terribly
common and dreadful.
My own mother was allegedly beaten by my father while she was pregnant
I was, in turn, beaten by her.
It was not a rewarding experience for me, sexually or otherwise.
The idea that a majority of woman might actually like to be spanked rather
blows my mind.
True, it's a small mind, easily blown by the sight of a single blade of
grass waving seductively in the gentlest of breezes, but still....
I'm not saying women shouldn't be spanked, if that's what they want.
And I'm not saying I'd mark my RSVP card "NO!" were an invitation to one
of my town's better spank-and-let-spank bistros came in the mail (provided
I didn't have to wear a tux).
Ok, I understand that carbonated beverages are allegedly enjoyable because
they stimulate the pain receptors in our tongues.
And I know that Scandinavians take great pleasure in super-heating their
bodies in saunas, then running outside and jumping in icy cold rivers.
And I can see that a good whack across the bottom might be good for the
circulation. No permanent harm done, and - if nothing else - it might
feel so good when the whacking stops.
I'm still surprised that millions of women might be enjoying being
whacked and are keeping the information from me.
I'm a naturally curious kind of guy, and - doggone it - it's just not
very polite for you gals to keep the info to yourself when you know
you have it in your power to quench my thirst for knowledge by simply
rolling a few words off your tongues and into my eagerly awaiting ears.
So, how about it?
Are you a woman?
Are you a man? (I'll settle for that, so terrible has my thirst
become. I believe it's called "situational curiosity." Deal
Do you like to be spanked - or not??
Inquiring minds gotta know!!!
Or consider it a donation to the education of today's high school seniors.
It'll be tax deductible that way.
In either case, my email address is firstname.lastname@example.org
Please don't make me have to beg again!
like either you or I care at this point!
A Nice Entry
Share With Your Mother
To A Full, Confidential Report
Up-To-The-Minute Spanking Findings
(Any resemblance to
CNN purely coincidental!)
(İNow by Private
Dan Birtcher, Serial #71466618.)
(You need more info
than that, you'll have to beat it out of me!)
Second Excuse For Using Red
you know that a certain major long-distance company
calls to anywhere in the world for just 3 cents a minute
you engage in phone sex during the call?
part of their new corporate policy to bring people closer together
of the cost to the company.
catch is that you have to call one of their operators to
your call and ask for the special phone sex rate
they don't want to anger all the puritans in the
by advertising this special deal.
lines are busy when you put this claim to the test, it can only mean
you read clear to the end of this sentence before trying.
luck next time!