A Smirk To Work Day
May 18, 41 A.B.
farmhouse! Abandon farmhouse!
taking on pigs and sinking FAST!"
- "What No Farm
Wife Wants To Hear
Upon Being Jostled
Awake In The Middle Of The Night"
One Final Squeal
So when my wife first had me start researching spanking for her, she told
me to check out "Project Nose Spank." Apparently she'd heard or read
about this project somewhere and I didn't want her to think she'd heard
of something I hadn't, so I said, "Oh, yeah - good one! I've have
to find out the exact details for you."
How eagerly I plunged into this aspect of my research as soon as she left
for work, spanked noses dancing in my head!
Maybe scientists had discovered that noses that weren't spanked while on
infants grew up to habitually thrust themselves into everybody else's business.
Maybe sociologists had determined that over 90% of the people in prison
had had their noses spanked out of joint as kids.
Maybe some ancient philosopher I hadn't heard of before had said something
unjustly forgotten like "Spare the nose and slap the glabella!"
I spent an entire day at the library and on the Internet, looking in vain
for a single reference!!
When my wife came home that night and asked me how it went, I burped into
"I'm sorry, Honey," I said, forgetting her real first name in my despair.
"I couldn't find a single reference to 'Project Nose Spank' anywhere!
Not in the card catalog. Not in foreign girlie magazines. Not
even on ancient reel-to-reel tapes of Reader's Digest Condensed S&M
that I had three librarians drag up from their own personal
collection. I'm sorry!"
"That's ok," she assured me. "I actually asked you to research 'Project
No Spank' for me. You can just try again tomorrow. Here,
let me write it down for you this time - just in case you wake up stupid
for a second day in a row."
Grabbing the pen from her hand, I delicately wrote NO across her
nose, then WAY across her neck.
"I'm just glad he didn't dot my eyes," I overheard her telling her mother
later on when I played the phone tap tapes back.
I smiled then - the smile of the truly blessed.
Did Richard Burton and Elizabeth Taylor ever have it this good?
I think not!
Did you know that the average pig farmer makes just $10-$12 profit per
That's barely $5-$6 an eye!
Could you feed and raise another living creature for months and
then sell it and even one eye to be slaughtered and eaten in exchange for
the price of a lousy cassette tape?
Is there room in your sty for me??
Just wondering. No reason.
With "My Sweet Little Bearded Pork Roast - How I Want To Smoke Your Ham!"
in the subject line.
He's in his litterbox.
How come when I pee in a men's room, nobody cares at all, but when I pee
in a much, much bigger men's department, everybody gets all excited?
Is this just an Ohio phenomenon or what??
SO Much Better
The 50th Or 60th Time
To A Smart, Beautiful Entry
Sweet Nougat Center
(İNow by Dan
Secret Cyndi Lauper