May 27, 41 A.B.
Day Of Medical Transcriptionist Week!)))
PUBLIC NOTICE ~~~
count for today's entry is
per 100 words.
your own risk!
My counselor says I'm making real progress in overcoming my fear of place
names which harbor silent letters. I am now actually able to say
"Maine" without the final "e" prompting me to frantically look around for
a lobster cage to hide in. I still don't like that mysteriously silent
"e" at all, but at least the nightmares about it have been cut in half
thanks to the atlas-induced insomnia. And although my counselor thinks
I'll probably never be able to visit a place with a silent letter in its
name while I'm medically conscious (I'm simply too convinced that they
must be guilty of something nasty or they wouldn't be invoking their
right to remain silent all the time), that really isn't the goal
of my therapy. My counselor and I both agree that as long as my urge
to write nasty missives to the entire alphabet is diminishing, these therapy
sessions are probably worth it at least to that son of hers who needs a
lot of dental work.
Of course I haven't told her that I'm still leaving anonymous messages
on Rand McNally's answering machine.
I don't tell her everything, after all.
That would be crazy.
Jester is asleep on the couch.
This is no doubt because the couch is the only item of furniture in the
house we do not have covered with a towel for him.
Isn't it funny how cats always seem to want to do the one thing you don't
want them to?
Any similarity to the U.S. Congress is purely coincidental, I'm sure.
My neighbor always seems to have the best dandelions on the block.
We've lived here 4 years now and, quite frankly, his dandelions are starting
to really drive me to distraction.
Especially since I never see my neighbor out there tending them in any
way, shape, or form and they still grow just beautifully.
As luck would have it, however, I recently learned in the newspaper that
there's this place in New Jersey that sells champion dandelion seeds, 10
for $24.95 (plus shipping and handling).
So, I ordered some.
And I ordered the special lights, too, so I can start them next winter
in my basement and get a head start on my neighbor.
I can't wait until next March when I plan on secretly transplanting some
of these huge blooming babies to my yard in the middle of the night, then
peak out between my blinds the next morning and watch the world go ga-ga.
Man, sometimes life is just way too much fun for the likes of me!
Sometimes - I admit it - I even feel guilty, thinking about all the dandelionless
kids there are on this old earth.
Then I remember those damn silent letters in all those damnable place names,
and how blessed illiteracy is keeping most of these kids from even knowing
that such horrors exist and I feel better.
Which just makes me feel guilty again when I remember how few adults there
are who share my ability to reason like this....
Wanna come blow one of my puffy little white heads next spring??
Stay tuned. I hope to work out a special deal with Ticketmaster SOON.
We've already agreed on how to split the $35.97 ticket price - now I just
have to convince them to lose either the "c" or the "k" in their name before
I sign anything.
The story (as it appeared in my newspaper today): "Visitors drawn
to Cedar Point Amusement Park's newest attraction, the Millennium Force
roller coaster, are complaining about having to wait up to four hours for
the opportunity to experience a thrill that lasts two minutes."
My thoughts: "Gee, people have gone soft. This sounds like
a pretty typical date from my college days and I never complained once."
(Sometimes the simplest
links are the best, don't you think?
the EXPLOSION in bacterial growth
we've been experiencing
here since the Health Department
took its last samples.
I mean, why say more than you have to
when it's just going
to go to feeding nasty little microbes?
Let them get a job like
everybody else if they want to eat, I
say. Does my mind
look like a friggin' soup kitchen?! Not since
I mopped up all the
spilled broth it doesn't! Enough said.)
by Dan Birtcher despite his thick American accent)