Saturday, Jack-O'Tober 7, 41 a.b.
It was a red-letter day here today. I'm just not sure what letter.
Maybe S. For SNOW. Yes, it's true - snow actually fell down out of the sky here today. I know, I know - not exactly as exciting as if snow had bubbled up out of my kitchen sink drain, stroked my ego, and fixed my dinner for me, but I'm sure Mother Nature is doing her best with the laws of physics she's forced to work with. It wasn't all that much snow - just a few snow pellets, actually - but I saw them fall out of the sky all the same. And then I watched them bounce on my patio before melting. Am I ready for this? No. But then again, I AM ready to laugh at those poor suckers in Michigan's U.P. who got 18" of the white stuff today, so I guess it all balances out in the end.
Maybe today's real letter was P, though. For PUMPKIN. We braved the 45 degree temperature and spent much of the afternoon picking out two of these seasonal must-haves at a local parking lot. Hope the people who own the car we finally broke into and removed these pumpkins from weren't too irate when they came back and found them gone. I hope they have the maturity to see it as a learning experience ("Gee, maybe from now on we ought to cover our purchases after putting them in the back seat") rather than as one more excuse to act childish ("Ahhh, SHIT! Someone STOLE our festive squash!! I'm gonna cry now like the big goofball I am!").
Then again, maybe the letter for today was really W for WOW. As in, "Wow! We got ourselves two huge pumpkins, neither of which according to the bathroom scales weighs as much as 20 pounds - and that means that each one actually weighs less than that tumor Dr. McDowell removed from that lady in historic Danville, Kentucky, back in 1809! Can you believe it?! I mean, the smallest of our pumpkins is the size of a basketball! WOW!" It kinda put Dr. McDowell's accomplishment into perspective.
And it kinda made me puke afterwards, too, so maybe today's letter really ought to be P after all....
No, W for WOW looks like the best bet again as I recall that - after we got home and had finished buffing our 'kins - we went out into our back yard and harvested what might well be the last of this year's cherry tomatoes. Picked 84 today, which - added to all the others we've picked on 36 other days of this growing season - brings our grand total to 1727. WOW!!!!! Kinda makes me wonder if my innards look any different now than they back in June....
But wait! S is coming on strong again now that a familiar scratching sound from somewhere beneath my butt reminds me that SQUIRRELS have moved into my basement. At least two small, flying squirrel types that poke their little heads up at me from the top of the foundation blocks whenever I venture downstairs and try to verbally convince them to return to the trees. Little heads that listen politely, then burst into laughter when I'm done talking. I've called my landlord. He's bringing a trap tomorrow. I'm betting he's only gonna catch a few chuckles for his efforts. We'll see....
As luck would have it, however, the biochemical fix is in. H is the real letter for today. For HIBERNATION. The urge to just curl up in a burrow somewhere and sleep until March was so strong for much of the day that I actually thought about calling my local AAA office and asking them if they had a free map showing the way to the closest dry hole in the ground.
If only I had had the energy.
If only I hadn't put so much time and thought into writing a thank you note to leave on the windshield of the car we took the pumpkins from.....
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(©Now by DJB, who thinks Les Misérables would have been a much better novel had the main character stolen a gourd instead of a loaf of bread)
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