Muesday, April 17, 42 A.B.
Brave New Blather
"There is nothing new under the sun."
"Oh, now THERE'S an original thought."
- Ecclesiastes' editor, rolling his eyes
It occurs to me as I think back over my entries that I do an awful lot of complaining. If I'm not bemoaning the horrors of faucet addiction, I'm regretting the fact that Roger Ebert isn't an arachnidphiliac. If I'm not
doing either of those things, then I'm probably ragging on misguided amoebas, or the neighborhood roosters I've never even taken the time to meet, or dastardly Canadians bent on stealing all our underwear secrets. When reading about the horrid lawnmower accident John Denver endured strikes even me as a nice break from the usual things I write about, it's pretty clear it's time to clean up my act a bit.
First, by ceasing to complain about that act's many, many faults.
Then by actually moving on to something positive, something uplifting, something life-affirming and... and... rodent-free.
Ok, so "rodent-free" wasn't the best way to end that sentence. I'm just going to ignore it and move on because, you know, doing otherwise would kinda go against the entire spirit of what I'm trying to do here. If you insist on staying behind and dwelling on "rodent-free," I suggest you at least try to do so in a positive fashion.
I'll even show you how it's to be done.
I opened this entry by calling today "Muesday." Perhaps you thought that was a typo. Perhaps you remain so full of the negativity I myself have left behind that your mind simply cannot conceive of "Muesday" as being anything other than one more mistake inflicted upon you by a terribly flawed human being/kumquat wannabe.
For your information, "Muesday" was NOT a typo but my newly-minted name for all those Tuesdays which feel like Mondays because the
Monday before was a holiday. I happen to think "Muesday" is rather cute, and I'm sure you'll agree once I get the photographs I took of it back from the developer. Until then, just nod and smile and play along. I'm told it's good for the heart.
Here's another example of how one can emphasize the positive rather
than remain mired in complaint.
I started cutting the grass again last Friday. It turns out that it's the same Sisyphean struggle it was last year (and the year before that, and the
year before that) BUT - did I choose to report tonight on each and every drop of sweat the task wrung out of me? Did I choose to mention my fear that someday this task will accidentally wring lymph or urine or all my precious serotonin out of me instead? Au contraire! I choose instead to focus on the 171 mower-free days I enjoyed prior to Friday. Each one a thing of beauty! Each one a marvel to behold! Of course they're all as dead now as the once-beautiful Toby Wing and the once-hilarious Ed Winter, but...
LOOK! LOOK what I found recently!
Now, don't get TOO excited - it's not official yet - but if the people at this site can acquire enough signatures on their petition to the US Postal Service, who knows? Maybe it WILL become a reality before the next postage increase renders it forever beyond our reach. Just think of how much fun we'll have once such a stamp IS in our hands! "I'm sorry, Mr.
Bill Collector. That Serling stamp I used musta sent the check I wrote
you on a one-way trip into the Twilight Zone. I'll be sure to try to dance another over to ya just as soon as they release the official Fred Astaire commemorative. If you'd care to sign our on-line petition to speed things
up, the URL is...."
Finally - and perhaps best of all - I'm thinking about institutionalizing my new-found sense of positivity in the form of a new religion. Tentative name: Dreamism. Possible sign outside the world headquarters: First Church of the Slumbering Jester. Main Ritual: Sleeping until noon. Main Symbol: Little golden pillows worn on chains around the neck. Main Dogma: It is better to nap than to sin, preach, judge, or foist stale baked goods off on the unsuspecting public in hopes of raising enough money to send the kids to Africa. Main Slogan: "Because nobody kills in the name of God while unconscious."
Why, if I wasn't suddenly falling-down-on-my-knees tired, I think I'd start passing the collection pillow case around right now. As it is, I think I better go try out the sign-up sheet, if you know what I mean.
May your dreams be as blessed by the power of codeine as I expect
mine to be!
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(©Now and For All Eternity by the self-stick DJ Birtcher)