Sun., April 22, 42 A.B.
PUBLIC NOTICE TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN
No, I do NOT want to get out of debt. Being called by collection agencies may not sound like much fun to you, but it's better than sitting by the phone all day and not being called at all.
And NO, I do NOT want to consolidate my debts. I much prefer to be called by many collection agencies rather than merely one. After all, variety IS the spice of life even if it does tend to get stuck in holes designed with pepper in mind.
Furthermore, NO! I do NOT want a new mortgage or to refinance an old one. I don't have an old one to refinance, and I do not want a new one
until you people finally come out with a version that self-refinances itself
as needed the way my oven self-cleans. Until then, I think I'll just go out and buy a new oven instead. It's cheaper and, quite frankly, I like the way ovens never talk about payments and points and other such things which only remind me how much I hate math.
Oh, and by the way: NO!!! I am NOT interested in making $10,000 a week working at home, and I am even less interested in making a quarter of a million dollars every few months after an initial investment of $25.
Not only is money the well-known root of all evil, recent lab tests have revealed that 10% of paper currency selected at random carries fecal bacteria. If I'm ever in the mood to increase my supply of errant fecal bacteria, I know a better way of doing so, thank you very much, and it
won't even cost me a fraction of $25.
Finally, NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO!!!!!!!!!!! I am NOT AT ALL interested in purchasing Viagra or Rogaine without a prescription. I did that once, got the two confused thanks to the lack of a doctor's supervision, and, well, let's just say I ended up with a painfully swollen cranium and a few razor nicks of the sort I simply do NOT ever want to suffer again.
Bottom Line: About the only thing I DO want is to find good email - and nothing but good email - when I go online and check my e-box. If you
ever hear of a good filter which will protect me from the kind of spam you keep sending, please let me know. Until then, the next time you feel like
sending me anything at all, please just poke yourself in the eye with the finger you usually use to hit "Send" instead.
DJ Birtcher, Almost A Jester At Large
PS - NO! NO! A million times, NO!!!!! I do not want to see either Britney Spears naked or hot Asian teens anxious to please me. Seeing Britney Spears, naked or clothed, only reminds me of her silly songs and, well,
the less said about those, the better. As for Asian teens, if they really want to please me, they'll stop thinking of me as a brainless sex machine with cash to spare and start thinking more about how they might
overthrow that brutal military dictatorship in Burma/Myanmar. I've given them some suggestions about how they might do this repeatedly over the course of the last 4 years - do they not understand simple English or
have you been intercepting my many emails to them?? HOW DARE YOU!
This conversation is at an end.
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