Saturday, Jan. 26, 42 A.B.
Pink Fluffy Dinosaurs (And Other Delights)
Why did we do it again? We did it because we could. Remember? It was Thursday, Jan. 17 when we learned there was a new Hooverphonic's CD out entitled The Magnificent Tree. We decided to order it from Barnes & Noble online rather than drive 10 minutes to the store and buy it. Why? Because we could. And because there was no shipping charge since we ordered a second item, too. And no sales tax. So: It was actually cheaper to make lots of other people do lots of extra work than it would have been had we gone and simply purchased the CD in person. Our way of stimulating the economy. Just like our buying bananas merely to watch them turn brown prior to throwing them out is our selfless way of helping all those poor South and Central American countries keep their heads above water. We did it for the good of humanity, if you want get technical about it. Let us review the stages detailed on the official UPS tracking site and feel that sweet quiver of excitement run through our bodies again!
Jan. 17 - 1:26 PM: Order placed.
Jan. 21 - 9:11 PM: CD left Reno, Nevada.
Jan. 22 - 11:26 AM: CD arrived in Louisville, Kentucky.
Jan. 23 - 6:55 PM: CD arrived in Obetz, Ohio.
Jan. 24 - 3:14 PM: CD in my hands.Total Elapsed Time: One week (vs. 10 minutes)
Total Miles Traveled: 2038 miles (vs. 7)
Total Number Of Additional Hands Involved: Incalculable!Note #1: It took twice as long to move the order in this age of the paperless office and the Internet as it took to move the actual CD.
Note #2: The 1829 miles from Reno to Louisville, Kentucky took approx. 14.25 hours for my CD to travel. (Average speed: 128.3 miles per hour.) The 189 miles between Louisville and Obetz took 19.5 hours. (Average speed: 9.7 miles per hour.) The 20 miles from Obetz to my hands took 20.32 hours. (Average speed: 0.98 mile per hour.)
Hypothesis #1-3: The closer a CD gets to my CD player, the slower it moves. By the time a CD comes within about a foot of my CD player, its velocity ought to be imperceptible. If it ever gets into my player, it ought to cease moving entirely.
Disproof #1: The 18' between my front door and my CD player was actually covered by my new CD in 4 seconds. That works out to a speed of about 4 miles per hour - significantly faster than that of the UPS truck which brought it from Obetz to my front door.
Disproof #2: The CD not only made it to my CD player, it rotated just like all my other CDs once it was there.
Conclusion #1: Judging from all the above calculations, I have way too much free time on my hands.
Conclusion #2: I'm really glad this Hooverphonic's CD made it to my CD player - AND that it rotated properly once it was there. Although I don't think it's as good as their first two releases, it DOES contain a track called "Pink Fluffy Dinosaurs" and that means an awful lot.
Electro screens of light and poppy-colored brights
I'm floating on air
Pink fluffy dinosaurs
Tremendously hardcore
I'm floating again....Yeah - me, too! :P``````````````````````
In fact, I floated right back over to B&N's online site and sampled four more current CDs in hopes of finding another dinosaur song. Here's what I found instead:
Usher's 8701 - Smooth R&B, sometimes with an urban edge, more often unabashedly syrupy. There seems to be a lot of this kind of stuff going around - I guess because voices like Raymond Usher's are capable of making some ladies squirm in their seats. I'm happy for them, but... these types of voices don't do a whole lot for me.
Pink's Missundaztood - Angst you can dance to. Just might have to use the Heimlich maneuver to get that "Get The Party Started" tune out of my head.
Linkin Park's Hybrid Theory - Industrial strength hip-hop. I liked parts of "Crawling" and "Forgotten" - making me wonder if I would have liked "Crawling Forgotten" best of all.
Smash Mouth's Smash Mouth - There's a 10-year-old boy in me who thinks this is exactly what music ought to sound like. Maybe that's because this group is channeling the popular music idioms I was most familiar with when I was 10. Which surprises me, since I expected a band with a name like Smash Mouth to be punk harsh. Instead, it's a bit like They Might Be Giants with more drum machines snagged from the '80s and fewer LSD flashbacks. Whatever, Smash Mouth is the only new CD sampled so far which prompted me to look up its predecessors. I think I ended up liking Astro Lounge even better - and not just because of that catchy "All Star" track. I'm so ashamed....
*Scrambling to make up for my poor taste in music by grabbing onto the first significant thing I can find*
It was on this date back in 1787 that Ben Franklin wrote his daughter a letter in which he disparaged the eagle by saying "he is a Bird of bad moral Character; like those among Men who live by Sharping and Robbing, he is generally poor, and often very lousy. The Turkey is a much more respectable Bird, a true original Native of America, and a much better symbol for a people destined to become fat and stupid watching TV."
Ahhh, Ben - if you could have overcome your addiction to unnecessary capitalization, you would have been one hell of a lyricist!
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(©Now by DJ Birtcher with the unsolicited
assistance of a compassionate Victrola)
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(If you think she looks loose here, you should have
seen her after half-a-pint of bathtub bunkum!)