Brain Lint Day, Aprilcot 7, 41 A.B.

 
 
 

Idea for making millions: Convince the phone companies to start offering partially unlisted numbers. I have an unlisted number.  I pay $1.25 a month for this service.  Not a lot, but what of the many people who can't afford it?  Why should it be $1.25 or nothing?  Why not charge by the number of digits people actually want unlisted?  Someone wants a little privacy, charge 'em 18¢ a month and only give out 6 of their 7 digits.  Someone wants a little more privacy, charge 36¢ and only give out 5.   All I want in exchange is a 1¢-per-customer royalty - and a few thousand unlisted numbers all to myself.

 
 
 

The lower the octane, the more combustible the gasoline.

 
 

Latest names to add to my Unique First Names list:  Outhay and Valinta.

 
 

At an economic summit at the White House on Wednesday, Federal Reserve chairman Alan Greenspan gave a speech exactly 2,725 words long. In 1999, there were 56 bear sightings in Ohio involving 26 different bears. Had there only been 55 bear sightings, how many fewer words would Greenspan have spoken? Had Greenspan spoken more than 2,850 words, how many different Ohio bears would now be telling CNN what he really meant?

 
 

Household catch phrase to launch into national circulation next week: "You zoom my weft!"

 
 

If you love blueberries and a wealthy friend asks you which state you'd like to have for your birthday, say Michigan.  Michigan accounts for 41% of the U.S. blueberry crop.   Did your friend say, "Michigan's too hard to wrap"?  Say you'll settle for New Jersey.  New Jersey accounts for 22 per cent of the U.S. blueberry crop.

 
 

"Have you ever heard a doctor say, '...but luckily, when that bullet entered his skull, it only damaged the 90% of his brain he didn't use?'" - Benjamin Radford, The Skeptical Inquirer

 
 

Did your friend come through for you and actually give you Michigan?  Be careful if you plan on operating a motor vehicle while simultaneously stuffing your face with blueberries: 22 of Michigan's 83 counties have some Amish buggy drivers using their roads.

 
 

Two Glimpses of a Pink Heaven

 
 

This week marks the 20th anniversary of the Post-It Note.   They now come in 56 shapes, 27 sizes, and 50 colors. Soon we'll have lined Post-It Notes. "If you own stock in Lilly USA, makers of Prozac, SELL!" - 11 Words Alan Greenspan Should Have Added To His Speech, Bears Or No Bears

 
 
 

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(©Now by Dan Birtcher - who's feeling highly peelable and stickable himself right now)