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Mother's
Day Eve, Ms. May 13, 41 A.B.
My
Annual Holiday Message To The Masses
So, once again it's Mother's Day weekend. Always a tough time for
me. Partly because I'm estranged from my own mother, but mostly because
there's no way anyone's gonna be giving me a gift tomorrow.
A one-time male friend of mine actually had a sex change operation in an attempt
to boost the odds of his getting at least a card on the second Sunday of
each May. Poor bastard. All he ended up with is severe back
problems from having to walk around in high heels all year....
India
Speaking of silly ways to spend one's time, India celebrated the birth
of its billionth citizen two days ago. Astha Arora squeezed her 6
pounds, 13 ounces into this party we have going on here at precisely 5:05
a.m.
What Dan Rather didn't say (and what my newspaper doesn't make as clear
as it could) is that it's almost certain little Astha is not the
billionth Indian. The Indian government merely determined some time
ago that - according to its necessarily rough estimates - the billionth
Indian would show up sometime around now, and then decided that May 11
was as good a date as any to make a fuss. And yet if you watched
the CBS Evening News Thursday night, you'd be forgiven for thinking that
poor, backward India has a much, much better idea of how many Indians there
are than we have of how many Americans there are even after we conduct
a year long, multi-billion-dollar census of a population less than a third
the size of theirs.
Weird.
But not quite as weird as what Astha is going to face as she grows up forever
known as Little #1,000,000,000, or Billionth, or maybe just Billy.
Just because of the arbitrary decision of a government in search
of a swell public relations gimmick....
Personally, I'd rather be the billionth husband of Elizabeth Taylor.
Then again - given the inherent limits and inexactitude of population counts
- it's possible I'm already too late....
Quote
I Just Can't Seem To Get Out Of My Leetle Head
"It
was a king size."
County
assistant district attorney Jodi Brown, after a Tyler, Texas jury sentenced
a man who stole a Snickers bar to 16 years in prison.
(Newsweek,
April 17, 2000, page 21)
Yard
And Garden Update
The clematis is blooming! The clematis is blooming! SEE???
(It's
purple!)
Jester
Cat Update
He's dozing on the front porch again, all stretched out just to the left
(east) of the door to the outside world, somehow summoning up the energy
to half open his eyelids and throw me an evil little look just now when
I went to check on him.
I'm beginning to suspect that there's a lot of down time when you're a
cat....
Odd
Personal Fact I've Not Revealed Before
I never wash my fruit, I just buy new.
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