Junival 1, 41 A.B.

Welcome to Junival!

A Carnival of Juvenility
And Every Would-Be Jester's Absolute 
Month o' the Year!


NOTE:  Junival 1 is also known as the 
Twelfth Day of Medical Transcriptionist Week
among certain diehard medical transcriptionist celebrants

Where You Been, Boy?!

     It seems that the attack of nakedness which I wrote about last entry was much more severe than I thought it was.  Like so many victims, I didn't become aware of my condition until that nakedness had spread to my entire body.  Like so many victims, I at first attempted to treat it myself - first by applying a cold rag to my face, then by lying down and trying to grow more body hair.  This allowed my nakedness the opportunity to permeate every fiber of my being.  By the time the doctors were threading endoscopes down my throat and up my rectum in a search for some area of my body still safe from prying eyes, I was feeling more naked than I've ever felt before in my entire life.  As nausea spread among those doctors, extreme measures were finally resorted to.  As I stood nearby, watching with incredulity, my entire body was covered in cold compresses, bandages, casts, and splints.  Almost immediately, my nakedness vanished!  It was a real miracle.  
     I've been busy in the three days since adding zeros to the check the hospital demanded from me prior to my release.
     Next time I think I'll just get me a set of crutches for public appearances and otherwise just learn to live with my nakedness while at home....

Never Mind All That - How's Your Cat?!   

     My cat, Jester, is fine.  He's still enjoying sitting on his windowseat in my office and watching the chipmunk relieve my bird feeder of all that nasty seed which said chipmunk seems to think ruins the aesthetic appearance of said bird feeder.  Everyone's an art critic!
     At this moment, however, Jester is taking a break from his arduous watching and is on the front porch, doing his famous impersonation of a Playboy centerfold, stretched out on the carpet.  
     Were he actually a Playboy centerfold instead of a cat, chances are good that there would have been a gap of 4 days between my entries instead of merely 3.
     As it is, his impersonation is so good, this entry was delayed a few hours.
     I really need to get myself better glasses or a less talented cat....

So, Like, When Does This Entry Get Interesting?!

     Right NOW!
     Well, maybe.  It depends if you like real life dentist stories.
     I went to the dentist today.  
     And I learned how to use acupuncture to relieve mouth pain!  
     Every time my dentist started to hurt me, I stuck him with a needle and he stopped.  
     Bet you can hear my respect for ancient Chinese medical practitioners soaring, can't ya??

For The Love Of Jesus, Mary, And All The Saints, Do You At Least Have 
A Single Tidbit Of Interesting Garden News You Can Toss Us?!

     Well, sort of.
     My climbing rose bush is now blooming more beautifully than EVER before!  It's really the best damn plant I've ever been personally associated with.
     Unfortunately, I also have the worst Polaroid camera on the face of the earth (plus or minus everyone else's) and the oldest, least photo-ready Polaroid film in it that I can recall ever seeing with my own eyes or reading about in Poe.  
     Nonetheless, instead of keeping that film to myself, I am now about to gallantly inflict it on you as well.
     Pregnant women and small children, please avert your eyes!!

CAUTION: Don't let your gaze catch on the thorns!

     Have I ever mentioned that I still haven't mastered the use of my scanner after over 3 years of trying?
     You say you knew that without my having to tell you?
     Well, aren't YOU the cute little Einstein!!

Einstein?  Wasn't He, Like, That Real Smart Dude?!

     Yes!  YES!!  Oh, YESSSSSSSSSSSS!!  
     Forgive me, but I am suddenly unable to resist asking YOU a question now - just to test the depths of your abilities and knowledge!
     Do you think you could pick Einstein's brain out in a crowd?
     OK - GO!!
     Oh, wait - here's a little hint for you:  Einstein's brain was actually smaller than average.
     Give me a holler when you've made your selection - and GOOD LUCK!!!

Wait!  Don't We Get A Chance To Improve Our Friggin' Vocabularies First?!

     Oh, yeah - my bad.  Here ya go - ENJOY!

     Schizobeatnik:  Medical term for a badly dressed poet whose mood shifts suddenly and unpredictably between depressed and despairing.

Like, Back, Man

A Home Away From Home
For ALL You Crazy Cats


Forward, Daddy-O
Forward Til It Hurts
And A Blood Red Entry
Drags Itself Up From The Pus-Colored Muck
That Truly IS 
My Existential 


(İNow by the secretly bearded Dan Birtcher, 
former squad leader in the Black Berets) 

(Stumped?  Here's Hint #2: Einstein's dead.  Look for the most famous brain in a big glass jar.)