1, 41 A.B.
Would-Be Jester's Absolute
o' the Year!
1 is also known as the
Twelfth Day of Medical
among certain diehard
medical transcriptionist celebrants
You Been, Boy?!
It seems that the attack of nakedness which I wrote about last entry was
much more severe than I thought it was. Like so many victims, I didn't
become aware of my condition until that nakedness had spread to my entire
body. Like so many victims, I at first attempted to treat it myself
- first by applying a cold rag to my face, then by lying down and trying
to grow more body hair. This allowed my nakedness the opportunity
to permeate every fiber of my being. By the time the doctors were
threading endoscopes down my throat and up my rectum in a search for some
area of my body still safe from prying eyes, I was feeling more naked than
I've ever felt before in my entire life. As nausea spread among those
doctors, extreme measures were finally resorted to. As I stood nearby,
watching with incredulity, my entire body was covered in cold compresses,
bandages, casts, and splints. Almost immediately, my nakedness vanished!
It was a real miracle.
I've been busy in the three days since adding zeros to the check the hospital
demanded from me prior to my release.
Next time I think I'll just get me a set of crutches for public appearances
and otherwise just learn to live with my nakedness while at home....
Mind All That - How's Your Cat?!
My cat, Jester, is fine. He's still enjoying sitting on his windowseat
in my office and watching the chipmunk relieve my bird feeder of all that
nasty seed which said chipmunk seems to think ruins the aesthetic appearance
of said bird feeder. Everyone's an art critic!
At this moment, however, Jester is taking a break from his arduous watching
and is on the front porch, doing his famous impersonation of a Playboy
centerfold, stretched out on the carpet.
Were he actually a Playboy centerfold instead of a cat, chances
are good that there would have been a gap of 4 days between my entries
instead of merely 3.
As it is, his impersonation is so good, this entry was delayed a few hours.
I really need to get myself better glasses or a less talented cat....
Like, When Does This Entry Get Interesting?!
Well, maybe. It depends if you like real life dentist stories.
I went to the dentist today.
And I learned how to use acupuncture to relieve mouth pain!
Every time my dentist started to hurt me, I stuck him with a needle and
Bet you can hear my respect for ancient Chinese medical practitioners soaring,
The Love Of Jesus, Mary, And All The Saints, Do You At Least Have
Single Tidbit Of Interesting Garden News You Can Toss Us?!
Well, sort of.
My climbing rose bush is now blooming more beautifully than EVER before!
It's really the best damn plant I've ever been personally associated with.
Unfortunately, I also have the worst Polaroid camera on the face of the
earth (plus or minus everyone else's) and the oldest, least photo-ready
Polaroid film in it that I can recall ever seeing with my own eyes or reading
about in Poe.
Nonetheless, instead of keeping that film to myself, I am now about to
gallantly inflict it on you as well.
Pregnant women and small children, please avert your eyes!!
Have I ever mentioned that I still haven't mastered the use of my
scanner after over 3 years of trying?
You say you knew that without my having to tell you?
Well, aren't YOU the cute little Einstein!!
Wasn't He, Like, That Real Smart Dude?!
Yes! YES!! Oh, YESSSSSSSSSSSS!!
Forgive me, but I am suddenly unable to resist asking YOU a question now
- just to test the depths of your abilities and knowledge!
Do you think you could pick Einstein's brain out in a crowd?
OK - GO!!
Oh, wait - here's a little hint for you: Einstein's brain was actually
smaller than average.
Give me a holler when you've made your selection - and GOOD LUCK!!!
Don't We Get A Chance To Improve Our Friggin' Vocabularies First?!
Oh, yeah - my bad. Here ya go - ENJOY!
Schizobeatnik: Medical term for a badly dressed poet whose
mood shifts suddenly and unpredictably between depressed and despairing.
Away From Home
You Crazy Cats
Til It Hurts
Blood Red Entry
Itself Up From The Pus-Colored Muck
(ŠNow by the
secretly bearded Dan Birtcher,
former squad leader
in the Black Berets)
Hint #2: Einstein's dead. Look for the most famous brain in a big