30, 41 A.B.
passenger: "Jesus died so you might have eternal life."
passenger: "Couldn't he have just taken a kick to the shins in exchange
for next month's rent money?"
overheard on a bus
There was a shocking report on the news last night.
Did you know that bingo operators in my small city alone rake in $215,000
in profit every year?
Did you know that bingo operators in Ohio rake in an incredible $763,535,690
Did you know that the average player drops $20-$45 in a night of play?
Did you know that there are now hand-held bingo computers that allow one
player to keep track of up to 96 cards at once?
Seems I'm the last to find out everything....
Numbers Calculated To Shock And/Or Bore
Did you know that there are almost 30,000 doctors in Ohio - but a mere
Did you know that the original run of the Declaration of Independence was
about 500 copies but that only 25 of these copies are known to have survived?
(Ladies, please check your purses!)
Did you know that 33 new malls are going to pop up across America before
Did you know that the minimum wage in British Columbia is $7.15/hour?
Did you know that there are 78 different sleep disorders?
Gosh darn - you're GOOD!
*Shaking my tin cup for any neurons you can spare*
Well, gee, this month went fast, didn't it?
So much for summer.
What's that you say? Summer just started last week and runs almost
until the end of September? You must be new to this country, stranger.
Hereabouts, it's been officially decided that summer starts Memorial Day
and is pretty near over come the Fourth of July.
That's why the new calendars and Christmas catalogues will start popping
up next week, and the back to school ads will start hitting the fans shortly
Hey, I don't make the rules - I just mourn 'em.
Interrupt This Entry For A Special Report!
I have just now (8:48 p.m. DST) heard the first cicada of the season whining
away in a tree-like protrusion from the earth not half a block away
to my west!
There will be a short pause now while I don my official Cicada Day hat
and dance a celebratory jig....
Tired - but back.
And ready to reveal even more exciting news.
'Twas last night that I had a revelation.
Did you know that I'm living in a very special time of year?
Well, sure - every moment is a very special time of year, but I mean an
unusually special time of year.
A time of year I'm sure has come before but which I didn't recognize until
last night when I looked for stray babes in my north-facing laundry room
and noticed sunlight on the east interior wall.
Sunlight was actually coming in a north window! Here! In Ohio!!
And then it dawned on me: This must be that one, brief time of year
when sunlight actually comes in through all the windows on all four sides
of my house in the course of a single day!
Just one more advantage of working at home they NEVER tell ya about as
you slave away in your corproate cubicle.
Do You Mean You Still Don't Get It?!
You knew all those numbers up above before I even posted 'em and you can't
grasp this simple fact about summer sunshine??
Allow me to draw you a picture -
Drawn Picture -
Anything else a guy suddenly blessed with finger cramps can do for you?
Well, just let me know.
*Shaking my tin cup for any spare arthritis medicine you might have*
And In Conclusion...
Cicada Day... Suddenly all my troubles seem so far away...
As I sit and hear 'em whine away... Oh, I believe in Cicada Day...
Mmm mmm mmm mm mm mmm mmmmmmmmmmmmm!
(©Now by - ACK!
It's also Earwig Evening! Get it off me! GET IT OFF ME!!!)