Junival 30, 41 A.B.

First passenger: "Jesus died so you might have eternal life."

Second passenger: "Couldn't he have just taken a kick to the shins in exchange for next month's rent money?"

- Conversation overheard on a bus



     There was a shocking report on the news last night.
     About bingo.
     Did you know that bingo operators in my small city alone rake in $215,000 in profit every year?
     Did you know that bingo operators in Ohio rake in an incredible $763,535,690 a year?
     Did you know that the average player drops $20-$45 in a night of play?
     Did you know that there are now hand-held bingo computers that allow one player to keep track of up to 96 cards at once?

     Seems I'm the last to find out everything....


Other Numbers Calculated To Shock And/Or Bore

     Did you know that there are almost 30,000 doctors in Ohio - but a mere 7450 dentists?

     Did you know that the original run of the Declaration of Independence was about 500 copies but that only 25 of these copies are known to have survived?  (Ladies, please check your purses!)

     Did you know that 33 new malls are going to pop up across America before 2003?

     Did you know that the minimum wage in British Columbia is $7.15/hour?

     Did you know that there are 78 different sleep disorders?

     Gosh darn - you're GOOD!  

     *Shaking my tin cup for any neurons you can spare*

Tears For Junival

     Well, gee, this month went fast, didn't it?  
     So much for summer.
     What's that you say?  Summer just started last week and runs almost until the end of September?  You must be new to this country, stranger.  Hereabouts, it's been officially decided that summer starts Memorial Day and is pretty near over come the Fourth of July.
     That's why the new calendars and Christmas catalogues will start popping up next week, and the back to school ads will start hitting the fans shortly thereafter.
     Hey, I don't make the rules - I just mourn 'em.

We Interrupt This Entry For A Special Report!

     I have just now (8:48 p.m. DST) heard the first cicada of the season whining away in a tree-like protrusion from the earth not half a block away to my west!
     There will be a short pause now while I don my official Cicada Day hat and dance a celebratory jig....

Wall-To-Wall Sunshine

     Tired - but back.
     And ready to reveal even more exciting news.
     'Twas last night that I had a revelation.
     Did you know that I'm living in a very special time of year?
     Well, sure - every moment is a very special time of year, but I mean an unusually special time of year.
     A time of year I'm sure has come before but which I didn't recognize until last night when I looked for stray babes in my north-facing laundry room and noticed sunlight on the east interior wall.
     Sunlight was actually coming in a north window!  Here!  In Ohio!!
     And then it dawned on me:  This must be that one, brief time of year when sunlight actually comes in through all the windows on all four sides of my house in the course of a single day!

     Just one more advantage of working at home they NEVER tell ya about as you slave away in your corproate cubicle.

What Do You Mean You Still Don't Get It?!

     You knew all those numbers up above before I even posted 'em and you can't grasp this simple fact about summer sunshine??
     Allow me to draw you a picture -

Traced from an official NASA photograph of a drawing

- Actual Drawn Picture -


     Anything else a guy suddenly blessed with finger cramps can do for you?
     Well, just let me know.

    *Shaking my tin cup for any spare arthritis medicine you might have*

Finally, And In Conclusion...

     Cicada Day...  Suddenly all my troubles seem so far away...  As I sit and hear 'em whine away...  Oh, I believe in Cicada Day...
     Mmm mmm mmm mm mm mmm mmmmmmmmmmmmm!



Every Day
Save Doris And Dennis


Another Day

(©Now by - ACK!  It's also Earwig Evening!  Get it off me!  GET IT OFF ME!!!)