HTTP Error 451- Restricted Fire Zone
The page you are trying to access has temporarily been designated a No Visit zone. Either the page itself or the journal it is part of resides in an area of the Internet threatened by web fires. In an attempt to keep these fires from spreading beyond the 1.6 million pages already consumed by flames this season, all non-essential access to this page has been temporarily banned.
Thank you for your understanding.
If you can also refrain from flipping us off, so much the better. After all, we're working long hours here, endlessly backspacing around as many dirty little paragraphs as we can in hopes of keeping the entire Internet from going up in a puff of smoke. It's not as if we have time to post pages of our own, you know, let alone go surfing willy-nilly in hopes of enjoying a bit of titillation from the comfort of our own homes or desk job. Oh, sure, we have the opportunity to pick-up all the "secret" passwords we want as we go through site after site looking for hot spots, but that's about the only perk we get. We'd never use those passwords for evil. Honest. We're professional web firefighters here. Give us a friggin' break!
Instead of doubting our veracity, why don't you do something useful - like keep these simple rules in mind as you go about maintaining your own pages and journals in as-yet unrestricted areas:
1) Please do NOT display open descriptions of hot sex until the danger has passed
2) Please use ONLY cool colors for backgrounds and fonts (i.e., blues and greens, not reds, yellows, or oranges)
3) Be sure to edit out as much dry wit as possible from your entries before posting
4) Prolonged heated exchanges with email correspondents is STRONGLY discouraged
5) If you MUST flame someone, please use self-extinguishing words
6) Be sure to type SLOWLY and CAREFULLY! A single spark from a single nail striking a single key can wipe out the work of millions within a matter of minutes!
7) Feel free to continue to post all the fire, flame, conflagration, and inferno graphics you want. They're ONLY graphics, after all - not real fires, flames, etc. Things may look bad right now, but come on, people - GET A GRIP.
8) If you belong to a webring and the NEXT or BACK links start to glow a cherry red, DO NOT CLICK ON THEM!! Grab your title, your counter, and abandon your site IMMEDIATELY!
9) Remember: Standard household fire extinguishers are powerless unless their extinguishing agent is compatible with the particular flames they are aimed at. An extinguisher rated "AOL" or "COREL" will NOT work on fire or flames fueled by words created on an MSN product!!
10) Anyone caught attempting to protect his or her site from windblown embers by urinating on it is an idiot.
11) Anyone caught attempting to protect your site from windblown embers by urinating on it is probably a friend or relative you've slighted in the past who has been looking for an opportunity to do this for some time. Smack 'em.
Thank you for your time.
We hope to be able to declare this site safe and open for business again SOON.
In the meantime, we recommend these similar pages:
ASBESTOS-LADEN HOME PAGE
HICKORY-SMOKED NEXT ENTRY
(©Now by a man who was actually trying to throw dirt on this whole area)