My counselor says I'm making real progress in overcoming my fear of place names which harbor silent letters.  I am now actually able to say "Maine" without the final "e" prompting me to frantically look around for a lobster cage to hide in.  I still don't like that mysteriously silent "e" at all, but at least the nightmares about it have been cut in half thanks to the atlas-induced insomnia.  And although my counselor thinks I'll probably never be able to visit a place with a silent letter in its name while I'm medically conscious (I'm simply too convinced that they must be guilty of something nasty or they wouldn't be invoking their right to remain silent all the time), that really isn't the goal of my therapy.  My counselor and I both agree that as long as my urge to write nasty missives to the entire alphabet is diminishing, these therapy sessions are probably worth it at least to that son of hers who needs a lot of dental work.
     Of course I haven't told her that I'm still leaving anonymous messages on Rand McNally's answering machine.  
     I don't tell her everything, after all.  
     That would be crazy. 
 

     Jester is asleep on the couch.
     This is no doubt because the couch is the only item of furniture in the house we do not have covered with a towel for him.
     Isn't it funny how cats always seem to want to do the one thing you don't want them to?
     Ha!
     Haha!
     Hahahahahahahahaha!
     Any similarity to the U.S. Congress is purely coincidental, I'm sure.
 

     My neighbor always seems to have the best dandelions on the block.
     We've lived here 4 years now and, quite frankly, his dandelions are starting to really drive me to distraction.
     Especially since I never see my neighbor out there tending them in any way, shape, or form and they still grow just beautifully.
     As luck would have it, however, I recently learned in the newspaper that there's this place in New Jersey that sells champion dandelion seeds, 10 for $24.95 (plus shipping and handling).  
     So, I ordered some.
     And I ordered the special lights, too, so I can start them next winter in my basement and get a head start on my neighbor.
     I can't wait until next March when I plan on secretly transplanting some of these huge blooming babies to my yard in the middle of the night, then peak out between my blinds the next morning and watch the world go ga-ga.
     Man, sometimes life is just way too much fun for the likes of me!
     Sometimes - I admit it - I even feel guilty, thinking about all the dandelionless kids there are on this old earth.
     Then I remember those damn silent letters in all those damnable place names, and how blessed illiteracy is keeping most of these kids from even knowing that such horrors exist  and I feel better.
     MUCH better!
     Which just makes me feel guilty again when I remember how few adults there are who share my ability to reason like this....

     Wanna come blow one of my puffy little white heads next spring??
     Stay tuned.  I hope to work out a special deal with Ticketmaster SOON.  We've already agreed on how to split the $35.97 ticket price - now I just have to convince them to lose either the "c" or the "k" in their name before I sign anything.
 

     The story (as it appeared in my newspaper today):  "Visitors drawn to Cedar Point Amusement Park's newest attraction, the Millennium Force roller coaster, are complaining about having to wait up to four hours for the opportunity to experience a thrill that lasts two minutes."
     My thoughts:  "Gee, people have gone soft.  This sounds like a pretty typical date from my college days and I never complained once."