Junival 26, 41 A.B.

Dr. Frankenstein: "It's alive!  IT'S ALIVE!!"

Igor:  "WHAT?  Let me see! ... Umm, no.  Actually, it's just the way this off-brand electric arc light is shining on the putrefying flesh.  Fooled me at first, too.  Sorry."

Dr. Frankenstein:  "Oh.  Dang...."  

- Reel #317 from Universal Picture's Vault of Unreleased Very Short Films

     Ok, so I came here early today to post a new entry.  Imagine my surprise when I found another entry already in this space!  
     A big, fat, dead entry that had apparently crawled  this far and no farther before expiring.
     Like, major EWWWWW!
     No wonder my journal has been smelling funny....

     As near as I can tell without actually, you know, looking at its obscenely withered date, it appears to be an old entry that I forgot to post.  If you keep an online journal or diary yourself, I'm sure you can understand how this can happen.  You spend so much time and effort writing an entry that you simply don't have enough time or energy left to upload it.  Or you just "forget" to do so as excessive pride in your accomplishment leaks out of your head and blocks your view of your screen (making uploading a very difficult process, if not an impossible one).    
     Ahh, well.  Nothing I can do about it now but rifle through its pockets in hopes of finding a few tasty tidbits to toss into my hungry mind....
     Gross?  Yes, it's gross to rifle through the pockets of a dead entry's corpse and toss the findings into one's head.  I admit it.  But it's true what they say about it being so hard to think for just one.  If I can find a few pre-digested tidbits to stuff into my perpetually gaping consciousness, I'm going to do it every time instead of going to all the trouble of thinking up a gourmet flight of fancy from scratch when I'm the only one who's going to enjoy it.  
     If you don't want to partake of a few stale crumbs of whimsy yourself - if you don't even want to watch my tongue dart between the lines of a moldy insight in hopes of getting a bit more fiber into my constipated cerebellum - fine.  
     Just be sure to pass the thought tenderizer before you get up and leave.
     Thank you.

Morsel #1

     "This year, instead of going to the trouble of buying vegetable plants and applying Miracle-Gro to them every 2 weeks, why don't we cut out the middle man and eat the Miracle-Gro straight from the plastic can?"

Morsel #2

     "If Poe had written 'The Tell-Tale Pancreas' instead of 'The Tell-Tale Heart' would the main character have been tormented by the sound of insulin being secreted instead of the sound of a beating heart?"

Morsel #3

     Before 1810, sailing from Europe to America took 30 days, cost the equivalent of a common laborer's entire yearly income, and was fatal 10-20% of the time.  By 1860, the trip took 7 days, the cost had dropped 90%, and only about 2% of passengers ended up dying.  Today it is possible to fly from Europe to America in about 6 hours, at a cost of less than a week's wage, and with virtually no danger of  being killed in the process.  
     If you absolutely had to go from Europe to America yourself, would you prefer to do so in 1810, 1860, or now?  

Morsel #4

     Question: Who is depicted on the front of the new dollar coin?
     Answer:  Randy'L Teton.  Many people seem to think that it's Sacagawea and her baby, Jean Baptiste, who are depicted on this coin, but it's not.  Nobody knows what Sacagawea looked like, so coin designer and artist Glenna Goodacre went with Teton instead - a 23 year old arts student who also happens to be a member of the Shoshone-Bannock tribe in Idaho.  
     As for Jean Baptiste, nobody knows what he looked like, either.  We assume he was smaller than Sacagewea when he was born, but we do not know this for a fact as no notarized birth certificate with birth weight has ever been found.  In light of this, if you want to imagine him being bigger than Sacagawea when you look at the new dollar coin, no one can legally stop you.  
     For what it's worth, I personally enjoy imagining that Goodacre went to her local pound, got herself a basset hound, and used this noble creature as the model for her depiction of Jean Baptiste - but then I would, wouldn't I, being the animal lover that I am....

     Oh, hey [hastily shoving the entry corpse out of the way so I can get to something important] that reminds me...

Unidentified Purring Critter

     This is NOT my cat.  It is NOT stretched out atop my scanner.  To find out whose cat it is (as well as what kind of weird things cats do in the bathroom when their owner is in there with them), click here.

     Ok, enough for now.  I've eaten my fill of rotting thoughts.  I've snarfed a tasty graphical dessert that I've swiped from someone else's site when they weren't looking, too.  
     Time to go bury that old, dead entry before it attracts the wrong kind of web surfer looking to deposit his or her eggs.

     If you happen to have a strong back, a good shovel, and a few hours you can spare, please don't selfishly keep 'em all to yourself!

Back To An Old Entry
I Misdated Once
While Its Parents Were Out To Lunch



Forward To Tickle An Infant Entry
Right Under Its Ugly, Drooling Little Title


(©Now by a first year art student who looks just like Dan Birtcher
when illuminated only by the glow of a cheap monitor)