Day Plus One
May 15, 41 A.B.
don't they make belated Mother's Day cards?"
doctor's refuse to perform retroactive abortions."
- Snippet of dialogue
I overheard going on between my imaginary friends
Sylvia and Hans
this morning before I kindly suggested that they take their conversation
outside my head
Watching The Waves Of The Weekend's Wake
Wantonly Against My Weekday Shores....
It turned cold again yesterday. There was even a chance of frost
a few miles to our north. I don't think it came to that here, but
we DID have to turn our furnace on again after having turned on the air
conditioner for the first time of the year just a week or so before.
In the autumn, when the temperatures reach 70 degrees again after we've
had our first frost, we call it Indian Summer. I'm thinking that
we need a corresponding name for what happened yesterday.
Maybe Dodo Winter?
The seasonal event so stupid, it doesn't even know that it's supposed to
"Bob! We have SQUIRRELS!"
Sorry - TV flashback. You know - to that commercial in which the
woman opened her basement door and immediately screamed, "Bob! We have
No, wait - I mean "Bob! We have RATS!"
Anyway, we have SQUIRRELS. I watched at least 9 (NINE!) of them running
back and forth between the bushes, the trees, and the wood fence near the
northeast corner of our lot yesterday and today exactly as if they were
players in some wild French bedroom farce.
All while a 10th (TENTH!) squirrel stood on the patio just outside my back
door with a "What - ME a squirrel??" look on his face exactly as if he
were auditioning to play OJ Simpson in straight-to-video movie.
Amazingly, I hear some people actually have to go to Las Vegas to enjoy
such fine entertainment.....
I spent a lot of time this weekend thinking about India.
About that billionth baby they say was born there on Thursday.
About how approximately 42,000 babies are born in India every day
(including Sundays and, presumably, Christmas and the birthday of The Pill).
Meaning that, since little Astha was born Thursday morning, some 168,000
more Indians have popped into existence.
And I had nothing to do with that.
You can take my word for it, or you can start running the DNA tests at
Remarkable, I know - but true: Things - even thousands of things
- are out there happening every day - every minute - and I have
nothing to do with them.
I didn't start them.
I don't supervise them.
I don't even have to jot a quick "OK" on any documents related to them,
just so they're proper, legal, or official.
So - if you're having a bad day - if something untoward has happened in
your lifetime - if you ever meet an Indian you don't like - don't
It's simply not my department.
I'm simply out of the loop.
Amazing - but true!
Fact Of The Day
Although many U.S. servicemen during the Vietnam War served in-country
for months at a time, only a handful were ever incontinent.
My best feline bud is currently curled up on the red towel we have for
him on the blue recliner in front of the living room TV. He is on
his left side, facing the TV. He has given me another evil look through
half-opened eyes just now when I went to check on his whereabouts.
Although I love my cat and want to believe the evil in his eyes is no more
than a passing disappointment in my not being small and edible, I find
myself wondering if it might not be something more.
Try as I might, I cannot completely shake the suspicion that my dear little
self-propelled furball might be responsible for at least a few of those
recent births in India....
As I may have mentioned, my wife is going to France this summer.
So I've been helping her prepare for her trip.
You know - tolerating her asking me again and again "What time does the
train to Calais leave?" in a language I don't understand.
Reminding her again and again of the diseases spread by organ grinder's
Yesterday I told her a new cautionary tale.
"I had a friend in high school who went to Paris. He was very disappointed
by Notre Dame. Very disappointed. Seems the hunchback
was on break the entire ten minutes he was there."
My wife, for her part, has been trying to educate me with what she has
learned from the French teacher she is going with.
"Did you know that French grocery store cashiers and baggers don't ask
'Paper or plastic'?"
"Oh? What do they ask?"
"'Alligator or silk?'"
If she comes back with the odor of snails on her breath, I'm calling the
And Garden Update
Our back yard bush is blooming! Our back yard bush is blooming!
Your Vocabulary For FREE!
rock back and forth until the serotonin in your head splashes on something
worthwhile, resulting in an irrepressible smile.
To An Earlier Entry
The Help Of A Hypnotist
however, with a prescription)
(Please remember to
wipe your eyes before reading!)
To Another Entry
Own Free Will
(NOT responsible for
accidental mind stains!)
by... oh, DAMN THIS INHERITED SHYNESS!!!)